being alive
I nearly died twice "today". (I am writing as if I really wrote this on DoY 329, 24 November 2016, instead of 3 days later.) after the emergency room hours, after they admitted me and moved me into monitored care where they have me wired up and sending a bunch of measurements they can get by "listening" through patches on my skin, I had a second bleeding incident and lost a lot of blood again, and my pulse rate shot up to 180 and stayed there. nurses helped me get back into bed and changed the bed under me. I slept a while, then did it again. (this was while taking the ghastly stuff one must take to flush out one's GI tract.) but I'm stubborn, I suppose. I managed to get my pulse rate to stabilize at 90 for hours. they did the colonoscopy while I was completely out. ("this will make you a little drowsy" the nurse said. I blinked and opened my eyes in a different room over an hour later. "oh, there you are," the nurse smiled.) I learned late that my pulse rate had settled to 72 long enough that they were comfortable going ahead with the procedure. meanwhile, I had lost enough blood that after the colonoscopy, they gave me 5 units of blood plasma then 2 units of blood. (okay, I've drifted into events that actually happened on DoY 330, so please pretend that I was briefly prescient.) yes, I lost or misplaced a lot of blood. but my appreciation is for after that. after I sorta calmed down and eased back into a more or less normal pulse, after the world expanded to include my whole hospital room, then expanded again to what I could see out the window and hear in the hall and from the nurses' station, then even expanded to my being able to consider the internet and my so many friends. (warning, this is supposed to amuse you.) after the world regained a future instead of a just now, and I could imagine cradling my new Winchester Model 94 carbine at a shooting range. yes, I appreciate being alive. and I count on writing more poems. but for now, appreciations.
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