quiet
imagine me grinning at you. no, I haven't found some new magical drug. or some way to turn off Los Angeles. as well as I can tell, Los Angeles still sounds like whizzing cars, sirens, and helicopters at any time of the day. well no, three times a day, for an hour or two, the whizzing cars are replaced by creeping cars and horns and hollers. so where's the quiet? in my mind. no, I can't tell you how I got it, but I attribute it to years of practice with what I learned from Landmark. giving up blame and fault and wrong as well as I have. giving up this-isn't-it and why-me? and this-isn't-fair as well as I have. a lot of those voices in my head have shut up. their silence is wonderful. I can now hear sounds I appreciate, like how-goddam-much-fun-it-was-to-program-computers! like what-a-pleasure-it-is-to-watch-a-woman-walk. or even this-author-knows-how-to-write-English! these voices are much quieter and not nearly so upset. oh, don't worry, I still get fits of "wrong! wrong! wrong!" that is, I still live in our world. I still get the news. I still feel for my fellow citizens of the world. but mostly I don't live in that state of "wrong! wrong! wrong!" any more, I just visit it from time to time to remind myself of how I useta live.. being able to read part of a book while only reading part of a book is such a pleasure! and when I put it down, the world is still here, ready for me to get upset about. but I cherish those intervals of quiet, not just reading, but any of the times I work on something and just work on that something, as if I'd managed to close the door on all those upset voices for a while. nice!
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