So this will be my third, but my public restart.
Is there anything wrong with my retirement? Many people might think so. I didn't put aside enough money, some would say. I have had three major events since retirement: congestive heart failure, a severely sprained ankle, and I broke both bones in my lower left leg.
Me? I think not. Yes, those events happened. But I still live, and am writing good poems, performing them, and co-hosting three different poetry readings.
And yet dis-eased. (not diseased, outside the state of ease with my self)
One solution: I could simply declare myself at ease with my self. I could. And I could make that work. I could.
But I've been a human doing all my life. Suddenly I will change and become a human being? I doubt it.
Okay so if I am dis-eased, then my lack of ease probably comes from what I am doing or what I am not doing, or the combination, right? Seems likely.
What am I doing?
writing poems
writing stories
sleeping
performing poems
co-hosting open mics
driving
thinking about getting published
Nothing wrong with that, I say. So that is not (those are not) the source of my dis-ease.
What am I not doing?
motorcycling
shooting my gun (at the Target Range)
exercising
taking the actions to get me published
computering
Hm. There ought to be two more for balance, right? Probably, but I'll take what came up for me.
motorcycling - doesn't really bother me; I gave it up like I gave up coffee; I have taken the first steps toward selling my Harley.
shooting my gun (at the Target Range) - well, do it!
exercising - more of the same, just do it.
taking the actions to get me published - still MOS, again, jdi!
computering - ah! I think this is the heart of my dis-ease
Once I showed some mastery in computering. I could write programs in C and C++. I could write scripts for Unix, Linux, Windows (well, its underlying DOS). I could make things happen in a local network, across machines. I could create a website that worked pretty well under then-current standards. They were parts of my job, and parts of what I did at home. They are no parts of what I do now, and I will have to work to regain even facility in any of those activities again.
But I could. I know what to study, and how to study, and how to practice doing, and can make up some targets, goals, tests.
Click!
Aha! I write poetry, and have achieved some respect for the poems I write.
But I have no facility with poetics. When someone uses a term, I know where to look it up, and if I don't Google finds it for me. But I can neither talk nor write about writing poetry in a language suitable for the thinking and the actions. Hmpf.
The difference between this and computering, is that I don't know what to study or how to study or what tests would demonstrate anything. Hm.
But I do know that "I don't know" is a good starting point.
So, let's start.
