learning

he knew the mind was a fragile structure
and worse, one that doctors could tinker with
yet it was all he had to work with
by day rejecting lies teachers told
in the dark reciting things he did know
mathematics he could prove, so it must be so
men killed and damaged each other, women, and kids
broke their bodies and twisted the world
police were not friends, they took you back
some people you could trust but damn near not find
and if you grew up to be a man, any lie you told was true
if he told himself these often enough, sleep would come
and he'd wake early enough to forget his dreams
on purpose, before anyone asked
then dress and smile for the morning people
smile and walk to the school people
then come home and write what they wanted him to
til it was time again to remind himself
of what he could count on as true

when aloneness is not solitude

life is sometimes a lonely walk in a carnival
all around you the rides cacophonate
children run and squeal and giggle
grownups wander smiling, but cautiously
on watch for pickpockets, kidnappers, thieves
as if they would flock to the noise and crowds
who normally ply their trades where and when
other business people do, or in the dark
young people laugh and walk as if unseeing
except each other, and there you are
one ticket for the carousel, one for the ferris wheel
one for the tilt-a-whirl, one ticket for the mirrors
where at least some of them show a pair of you
or you stretched out then squished down
exactly like you feel walking alone in a holiday
no matter how often people bump into you
walking straight through a carnival swirl